When my boyfriend started a new job, he became too busy with work to spend time with me. From the beginning, I told myself to be more understanding – because it was reasonable to respect his need to study, network with new colleagues, recharge (alone or with friends), bond with family, exercise, etc.
But despite my best efforts, I started feeling neglected and grumpy…
As a result, I became cold and mean to him – on the phone, and even on dates! It wasn't long before he started behaving distant too.
Hence, I knew I had to act fast before losing him…
It wasn't easy, I'll admit. It took courage and discipline, but I did it. So to help you communicate with your 'too busy' boyfriend in a way that will not only maintain your relationship, but also help it to grow, here's what you need to do…
BEFORE Talking About The Things You Feel Unhappy About, Be Clear And Specific About What You Want!
Since your boyfriend is too busy with work, it's safe to bet he's already feeling stressed out. Saying he's the source of your problems will only ADD to his stress – because he wants to help you solve your troubles, yet is lost when you don't tell him what you specifically want him to do.
In fact, if you don't tell him exactly what you want, he's likely to come up with (seemingly strange) solutions that don't work for you. Does this sound familiar? Your frustration mounts as you wonder “Why can't he understand what I need and want?”
Can you see when you, yourself are unclear about what you want, both parties lose?
[WARNING!: When your boyfriend can't help you solve your problems, he feels terrible about himself. Did you know a man's self-esteem crashes because your unhappiness communicates to him that HE'S A FAILURE – at solving your problems; making you happy; being your boyfriend? When a man feels like a failure, he cannot love. Hence, if you have gotten angry at your boyfriend because he couldn't read your mind, don't be surprised when he distances himself from you…]
Very often, women don't take the effort to spend time alone to ask ourselves honestly what we want…
I am guilty of this too. We hope that by sharing our problems, our boyfriends, who are usually so good at coming up with creative solutions that please us, will come up with another great idea to delight us. For example, I secretly hoped my boyfriend would push aside his other commitments to see me. I secretly hoped he would text me during his lunch break, or on his way to work.
But he never did…
It wasn't until my relationship was in serious danger of drifting apart that I finally took the effort and courage to tell my boyfriend “I prefer you to at least message me once – either in the morning, or during lunch. Otherwise, I just feel like we are friends who don't talk much.” It scared me to text him this. But I heaved a sigh of relief when he actually THANKED me for being honest with him. He also told me that he would do as I asked. As a result, I am glad to report we are even more in love now.
Being clear about what I specifically want has worked for me time and time again. Yet, I don't always remember this technique until things get pretty bad. Fortunately, it ALWAYS helps me communicate with my boyfriend, even when he's too busy, to maintain and grow our relationship. By sharing my secrets, I hope you use it to successfully keep the affections of the man you love too! I know you can do it.